The end of a relationship is almost invariably painful. Perhaps your breakup took you by surprise, and you're scrambling to make sense of your future.
Alternatively, maybe you've known for a long time that this partnership wasn't working out and you're exhausted from months or years of fighting. Regardless of who ended the relationship, a breakup takes a toll on your self-esteem and your resilience.
You may start to wonder if you'll ever meet someone else, and you might find yourself feeling frightened of returning to the dating scene. So, what can you do if you're struggling to move on?
This guide will help you make a solid plan to process your breakup and embrace the rest of your life. First, we'll explain why losing a relationship is so painful, no matter the reason it happened.
Then, we'll look at three powerful and effective techniques you can use to move on from your ex-partner for good
Why Does Losing A Relationship Hurt So Much?
As noted above, it's almost impossible to have a breakup that doesn't hurt. Even if it was your idea to break things off, and even if part of you thinks the split is for the best, it's bound to leave you reeling.
This pain can manifest itself in all sorts of ways. You might avoid social contact and find yourself struggling with low mood.
In contrast, you might quickly go on the rebound, trying to meet new partners and yet ultimately finding these new connections shallow. It's a confusing, emotionally tumultuous time, and it can be hard to make sense of what you're feeling.
While there are lots of contributors to the pain of a breakup, two are especially salient - feeling empty, and holding onto the past.
Looking at both in more depth can help you understand what's happening to you after the end of a relationship, and this understanding paves the way for moving on.
When you lose a loved one, it's common to feel empty. This can cause feelings of numbness, or of deep sadness. There are a couple of reasons why you might struggle with feeling empty.
For one thing, you can experience a sudden lack of identity. If your sense of self was inextricably linked to being part of a couple, a breakup can be like the loss of a limb.
You may also feel empty because life seems to lack meaning. You had plans together - perhaps you shared a home, and maybe you planned to have a family. Now, these sources of meaning are missing, and your life can feel worthwhile.
It's important to accept this emptiness for what it is and go through the grief process associated with a breakup. However, in time, think about filling this empty space with new things.
Consider how you might be able to reclaim who you were before you were part of a couple and ask yourself what you've always wanted to add to your life.
Did your relationship hold you back from moving to a new place, taking up a new career, or devoting time to a particular hobby? A painful breakup can become an opportunity for growth.
Holding On To The Past
Holding onto the past is the other major struggle linked to breakups. If you're like most people, you'll have difficulty looking to the future and your attention will be fixed on your memories.
You may relive old arguments and think about how the relationship could have been saved. Or, instead, perhaps you dwell on the times you were the happiness, worrying that you'll never experience that kind of joy or fulfillment again.
Once again, this is all part of a natural grief process. You're trying to make sense of what happened, and you're struggling with a sudden and dramatic change.
However, to move on from a breakup, it's essential to let go of the past and start rebuilding your life. It's possible to get stuck in complicated grief, in which you only think about the past and don't engage with the world around you.
With this in mind, let's start looking at how to get over a breakup positively.
How To Get Over A Breakup Positively
First, it's important to note that there's no way to experience a breakup purely positively. It's a traumatic change, and it will always involve some pain.
However, it is entirely possible to focus on the future, and on doing proactive things to process the breakup in a healthy way. This helps you move on faster and without as much baggage.
Other people will be an important resource for you at this time. Whether you talk to friends, confide in family, or seek the impartial advice of a therapist, don't try to deal with the breakup alone.
You need this outside support in order to make sense of what happened to you, and these people will help to perform much-needed reality checks. That said, there are also things you can do on your own.
Let's now turn to two particularly powerful strategies - finding new meaning, and adopting a realistic perspective on the relationship.
Find A New Meaning Of Life
We've already noted that people often struggle with a lack of meaning in their lives when a relationship ends.
As discussed, one thing you can do to reclaim meaning is to look at how you're freed up to do new things with your time and energy. This can involve major life changes, or simply lots of small changes such as taking up new hobbies.
However, it's also wise to question how you connect your value with your relationships. It's easy to buy into a narrative according to which we're only truly happy or successful if we're with a partner.
But it's also worth subjecting that to some critical scrutiny. For example, do you rely on romantic relationships as a crutch to make you feel worthwhile? If so, what can you do to help develop a solid sense of self-esteem that isn't dependent on other people?
The first step in finding meaning as a single person is to examine why you outsource that meaning to relationships. Examining lessons from early in your life can be helpful here, as can challenging negative beliefs about yourself.
If you've considered starting a journal or going for therapy and yet have always put it off, now might be the ideal time for one or both.
Think About The Relationship For What It Truly Was
We often put our rose-tinted glasses on once a relationship ended. In other words, what was a messy, imperfect thing becomes an ideal fantasy.
Perhaps you imagine you were always happy with your partner until near the end, or you start to believe that no one could understand you the way they did. But while there were of course good aspects to your relationship, it ended for a reason and it's important to accept this.
Regularly prompt yourself to see that former relationship as it really was. For example, challenge yourself to come up with a list of 5-10 reasons why this person wasn't right for you.
Which of your needs did they fail to meet? What aspects of their communication promoted arguments and misunderstanding? This stock-taking process also gives you a helpful resource when it comes to figuring out what kind of partner would be right for you in the future.
Use Self-Hypnosis To Get Over A Break Up Fast
Of course, even if you try to follow the above advice, you can still find yourself suffering deep pain after a relationship ends. In this situation, self-hypnosis is another useful tool you can use - and it may make all the difference to how quickly you move on.
However, you might wonder what this involves and whether it is simply a way of "tricking" yourself.
Self-hypnosis involves listening to recordings in your own time and in your own space, where the recordings target subconscious beliefs and feelings that are holding you back from happiness.
It can't make you feel or do anything that you don't already desire, but it can overcome some of the conscious defenses that keep you feeling stuck and unhappy.
So, if you genuinely want to move on from a breakup but can't seem to do so, self-hypnosis might be the perfect intervention. Some people see significant improvements in as few as 1-2 sessions.
Using Hypnosis To Get Over An Ex
Before you engage with our self-hypnosis program, it's useful to know a bit more about what to expect.
In particular, if you're hoping to use hypnosis to forget ex-partners, this isn't possible. You can't get rid of your old memories, whether joyful or sad. However, it is entirely possible to move on from those memories, and self-hypnosis can help you do just that.
Similarly, there's no such thing as hypnosis to stop loving someone, but our hypnosis program does help you manage your old love and consign it to the past so that you are free to pursue new relationships.
Essentially, our break-up self-hypnosis recordings help you fast-track the healing process. Instead of obsessing over the past and what you could have had, it helps you become productive and future-focused.
The sessions encourage you to try new things, help you manage your grief, and can even change the emotional responses you have when you think of your ex-partner. Where you were once overcome with negative feelings like sadness, fear, and guilt, you can develop a sense of acceptance. We'll help you stop thinking about the relationship so often, and assist you in gradually developing a different view on your loss.